Hi Everyone . . . Carolyn here, with heartfelt gratitude for all your emails and messages of Love and support. I’ve read every single one . . . hundreds . . . and return to you, 10-fold, Love beyond measure. Giving and receiving . . . we lift each other in the endless flow of Love, the nourishment of all Life.
Last week I had 5 rounds of targeted radiation at the base of my skull where the cancer was wrapped around a nerve cluster causing the on-going headaches, and it worked brilliantly. I’m pain-free for the first time in months. The first 3 days, just sitting up was a great effort and lying down was only marginally better (as it’s been for weeks), but the morning of day four I woke up . . . no headache, no nausea . . . hallelujah! I’m still on pain meds (morphine sub-dermal patch) and I’ve also been on steroids during the treatments to reduce the swelling around the target sight, but that dose is now halved and will be reduced again in a few more days. The meds make me a bit mentally foggy and sometimes a bit wobbly on my legs, but comparatively my quality of life has improved massively.
I’m feeling very much at peace with increased awareness of everything around me, and am grateful for things I never realized I was so very grateful for. Everything is a gift . . . every day is a gift. Beauty is everywhere. The void in my life that was so prominent after Michael left is now gone . . . completely gone, and filled with self-Love and compassion. I’m sure I could have found this place in a more user-friendly way . . . but it worked! And I feel Michael closer now than I have since he transitioned.
To Love unconditionally is to Love all that life offers, not just when everything is coming up roses.
Hi Everyone . . . Carolyn here, with heartfelt gratitude for all your emails and messages of Love and support. I’ve read every single one . . . hundreds . . . and return to you, 10-fold, Love beyond measure. Giving and receiving . . . we lift each other in the endless flow of Love, the nourishment of all Life.
Last week I had 5 rounds of targeted radiation at the base of my skull where the cancer was wrapped around a nerve cluster causing the on-going headaches, and it worked brilliantly. I’m pain-free for the first time in months. The first 3 days, just sitting up was a great effort and lying down was only marginally better (as it’s been for weeks), but the morning of day four I woke up . . . no headache, no nausea . . . hallelujah! I’m still on pain meds (morphine sub-dermal patch) and I’ve also been on steroids during the treatments to reduce the swelling around the target sight, but that dose is now halved and will be reduced again in a few more days. The meds make me a bit mentally foggy and sometimes a bit wobbly on my legs, but comparatively my quality of life has improved massively.
I’m feeling very much at peace with increased awareness of everything around me, and am grateful for things I never realized I was so very grateful for. Everything is a gift . . . every day is a gift. Beauty is everywhere. The void in my life that was so prominent after Michael left is now gone . . . completely gone, and filled with self-Love and compassion. I’m sure I could have found this place in a more user-friendly way . . . but it worked! And I feel Michael closer now than I have since he transitioned.
To Love unconditionally is to Love all that life offers, not just when everything is coming up roses.
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Opportunities to evolve and grow in consciousness so often I feel more alive right now than I have in I can’t remember how long, surrendering into acceptance with no expectations . . . just allowing it all to unfold as it will in Divine Perfection. It`s all so very freeing. The universe meets us in the depths of our surrender, not at the height of our struggle. I’m completely in the hands of God, of Love.
This journey will have it’s ups and downs and vast range of emotions, but right now, this moment, it’s all good. This moment is all any of us have, really, I’m perhaps just a little more aware of it now. As we move though our often busy days, it can feel like things will go on forever as they are, but then suddenly we realise ‘forever’ isn’t as long as we thought it might be, and an entirely new relationship with Life is born.
I just read a little story about a Greek man in his 60s who was diagnosed with lung cancer and given a year to live. Wanting to be buried in his homeland he moved back to Greece, planted a small garden with seeds, thinking he would not be there for the harvest, had a bottle or two of wine with dear friends at night, and enjoyed playing bat gammon in the evenings. Thirty years later he tried to contact his doctors in America to find out why he was still alive, but they had already passed. He lived into his early 100s.
Clean, pure air, food and water and the Love and connection of family and friends carried him though on Divine Grace. He wasn’t asking, ‘why me’ or trying to figure anything out, he wasn’t following any protocols, massive healing therapies, or medical practices. He was simply being his totally authentic self, doing what he Loved and enjoying every day as it came. Divine Grace did the rest.
So as I take the best care of myself as I can, perhaps my precious body/soul will decide this life is just too good to miss and will hang around for a while longer . . . and if not . . . I’ll rejoin my soul family in a frequency of Love I can’t begin to comprehend, with all new adventures . . . Temples of Learning and Universities of Light . . . home again in my True Nature. Either way it’s a win-win scenario! Life always gets it right.
Opportunities to evolve and grow in consciousness so often I feel more alive right now than I have in I can’t remember how long, surrendering into acceptance with no expectations . . . just allowing it all to unfold as it will in Divine Perfection. It`s all so very freeing. The universe meets us in the depths of our surrender, not at the height of our struggle. I’m completely in the hands of God, of Love.
This journey will have it’s ups and downs and vast range of emotions, but right now, this moment, it’s all good. This moment is all any of us have, really, I’m perhaps just a little more aware of it now. As we move though our often busy days, it can feel like things will go on forever as they are, but then suddenly we realise ‘forever’ isn’t as long as we thought it might be, and an entirely new relationship with Life is born.
I just read a little story about a Greek man in his 60s who was diagnosed with lung cancer and given a year to live. Wanting to be buried in his homeland he moved back to Greece, planted a small garden with seeds, thinking he would not be there for the harvest, had a bottle or two of wine with dear friends at night, and enjoyed playing bat gammon in the evenings. Thirty years later he tried to contact his doctors in America to find out why he was still alive, but they had already passed. He lived into his early 100s.
Clean, pure air, food and water and the Love and connection of family and friends carried him though on Divine Grace. He wasn’t asking, ‘why me’ or trying to figure anything out, he wasn’t following any protocols, massive healing therapies, or medical practices. He was simply being his totally authentic self, doing what he Loved and enjoying every day as it came. Divine Grace did the rest.
So as I take the best care of myself as I can, perhaps my precious body/soul will decide this life is just too good to miss and will hang around for a while longer . . . and if not . . . I’ll rejoin my soul family in a frequency of Love I can’t begin to comprehend, with all new adventures . . . Temples of Learning and Universities of Light . . . home again in my True Nature. Either way it’s a win-win scenario! Life always gets it right.
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Hi Everyone . . . Carolyn here. This is the first time I’ve been on my computer in well over 3 weeks. There has been a lot going on with me, health wise, as some of you know.
After several weeks of ongoing headaches I much more recently developed numbness on the right side of my tongue. This got my attention, as well as that of Tracey and Katrina’s, who kidnapped me and took me straight to the hospital. I didn’t argue.
After 2 CAT scans I was transferred to a larger hospital the following morning for 8 days of multiple tests, scans and a biopsy, and have been diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer that has spread to my bones and liver, and is the culprit for the headaches and partial tongue numbness from a nerve cluster.
Public
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Hi Everyone . . . Carolyn here. This is the first time I’ve been on my computer in well over 3 weeks. There has been a lot going on with me, health wise, as some of you know.
After several weeks of ongoing headaches I much more recently developed numbness on the right side of my tongue. This got my attention, as well as that of Tracey and Katrina’s, who kidnapped me and took me straight to the hospital. I didn’t argue.
After 2 CAT scans I was transferred to a larger hospital the following morning for 8 days of multiple tests, scans and a biopsy, and have been diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer that has spread to my bones and liver, and is the culprit for the headaches and partial tongue numbness from a nerve cluster.
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The cancer is untreatable, they said, but there are two different treatments that may help with the headaches . . . so I’m grateful there may be some course of action to stem the pain, which would really upgrade my quality of life.
In the meantime I’m taking very good care of my body with fresh juices, supplements, super food powder, bi-carb to keep my body alkaline, ivermectin, cannibus oil and THC. For however long my precious body has left, I’m taking excellent care of it. I’ve always been a great nurturer of others, but not so much for myself. Now is my time.
The last couple days in the hospital I was taking oxycodone every 4 hours, rather than ‘as needed’ to keep on top of the pain, but then when I got home I had a strong allergic reaction to it as it built up in my system. After trying a couple other things, I now have a morphine time released skin patch that lasts 7 days and I supplement that with cannibus oil when needed, which seems to work pretty well at keeping the headaches at a minimum. I’ve reached a good point to maintain. I do feel a bit fuzzy, I must admit! :) Today the pain is as minimal as its been and I haven’t had any THC oil since last night . . . so pain-wise, this is the best day I’ve had in weeks and weeks. My gratitude is off the charts!
And my tongue has improved, as well, my speech is clearer and it’s easier to eat . . . and my appetite is good, as well.
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The cancer is untreatable, they said, but there are two different treatments that may help with the headaches . . . so I’m grateful there may be some course of action to stem the pain, which would really upgrade my quality of life.
In the meantime I’m taking very good care of my body with fresh juices, supplements, super food powder, bi-carb to keep my body alkaline, ivermectin, cannibus oil and THC. For however long my precious body has left, I’m taking excellent care of it. I’ve always been a great nurturer of others, but not so much for myself. Now is my time.
The last couple days in the hospital I was taking oxycodone every 4 hours, rather than ‘as needed’ to keep on top of the pain, but then when I got home I had a strong allergic reaction to it as it built up in my system. After trying a couple other things, I now have a morphine time released skin patch that lasts 7 days and I supplement that with cannibus oil when needed, which seems to work pretty well at keeping the headaches at a minimum. I’ve reached a good point to maintain. I do feel a bit fuzzy, I must admit! :) Today the pain is as minimal as its been and I haven’t had any THC oil since last night . . . so pain-wise, this is the best day I’ve had in weeks and weeks. My gratitude is off the charts!
And my tongue has improved, as well, my speech is clearer and it’s easier to eat . . . and my appetite is good, as well.
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Jonathan, my son from America is here with Tracey and is helping in many ways. We Skype weekly, but it’s the first I’ve seen him in 5 years, since the lockdowns. I’ve had my first really good belly laughs in I can’t remember how very many months. He always makes me laugh . . . good medicine. Tracey has been amazing, as well, and Katrina, my daughter-in-law. They came to the hospital every day and have been with me through all the doctors appointments. And so much support from many others, as well. My prayer now is gratitude for all I have. I’m just so very grateful.
So . . . that’s pretty much all there is. It appears that pain management is much the course of action now. One day at a time. I’m sleeping a lot . . . I don’t think I realised how completely exhausted I’ve been for the last many months. I’m sleeping as much as I can now. I’m doing exactly what I want, when I want and the way I want it. It’s all about me these days. :)
This is all remarkably freeing . . . things I would ponder on how to move forward in my new life-minus-Michael are all completely meaningless now . . . none of it matters. So I continue to ‘let go’ . . . something I’ve had a lot of practice doing lately . . . and just experiencing what I’m feeling without any dialogue or mental noise around it. I have not once asked, ‘Why did you create this??’ and have no intention of putting my energy into that thought process. I am not my thoughts. All will be revealed in perfect timing. For me to hammer myself with another major shock so quickly on the heals of the last one, would suggest I have potentially something fairly significant to learn and grow from. I created this for a reason, or it wouldn’t be happening. A new adventure, a new leap in consciousness . . . a new horizon . . . we’ll see what tomorrow brings.
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Jonathan, my son from America is here with Tracey and is helping in many ways. We Skype weekly, but it’s the first I’ve seen him in 5 years, since the lockdowns. I’ve had my first really good belly laughs in I can’t remember how very many months. He always makes me laugh . . . good medicine. Tracey has been amazing, as well, and Katrina, my daughter-in-law. They came to the hospital every day and have been with me through all the doctors appointments. And so much support from many others, as well. My prayer now is gratitude for all I have. I’m just so very grateful.
So . . . that’s pretty much all there is. It appears that pain management is much the course of action now. One day at a time. I’m sleeping a lot . . . I don’t think I realised how completely exhausted I’ve been for the last many months. I’m sleeping as much as I can now. I’m doing exactly what I want, when I want and the way I want it. It’s all about me these days. :)
This is all remarkably freeing . . . things I would ponder on how to move forward in my new life-minus-Michael are all completely meaningless now . . . none of it matters. So I continue to ‘let go’ . . . something I’ve had a lot of practice doing lately . . . and just experiencing what I’m feeling without any dialogue or mental noise around it. I have not once asked, ‘Why did you create this??’ and have no intention of putting my energy into that thought process. I am not my thoughts. All will be revealed in perfect timing. For me to hammer myself with another major shock so quickly on the heals of the last one, would suggest I have potentially something fairly significant to learn and grow from. I created this for a reason, or it wouldn’t be happening. A new adventure, a new leap in consciousness . . . a new horizon . . . we’ll see what tomorrow brings.
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“When I became enlightened I found myself sitting on what I now describe as a Plateau of Enlightened Complacency. Isn’t that a lovely expression? I think I sat there for two years, until I realised, ‘Hey, I’m not going anywhere.’ So I got off that plateau, having learnt there is no top of the mountain. Our life is a spiritual journey - let’s be humble doubt this. I’m now out of the rough and tumble of kindergarten, I’m telling you, kindergarten is a rough place. And sadly, when you’re in kindergarten you beat yourself up, with a bit of help from other kids. When you come out of kindergarten, you stop beating yourself up. You become friends with, and a lover of yourself. When you come out of kindergarten you are ready for Junior School, with seven grades to go. Each grade is another step within the ever increasing growth in consciousness. Each grade is another step deeper into enlightenment. With each grade I’m in, I can’t imagine what the next grade could possibly be. I can’t imagine what the next step in consciousness will reveal, so I don’t try, I don’t try to do anything. It is as it is. I live my life as fully, as consciously, and with as much awareness of the moment and Love as I can.
“Sometimes I feel that my Love is not as good as it could be and other times I’m very pleased with the amount of Love I express. But I don’t criticise myself and I don’t judge myself. I don’t compare myself - ‘I could have done this’ - ‘I could have done that’. It is as it is . . . and that’s the place of true growth where you fully accept yourself just as you are.” MJR
“When I became enlightened I found myself sitting on what I now describe as a Plateau of Enlightened Complacency. Isn’t that a lovely expression? I think I sat there for two years, until I realised, ‘Hey, I’m not going anywhere.’ So I got off that plateau, having learnt there is no top of the mountain. Our life is a spiritual journey - let’s be humble doubt this. I’m now out of the rough and tumble of kindergarten, I’m telling you, kindergarten is a rough place. And sadly, when you’re in kindergarten you beat yourself up, with a bit of help from other kids. When you come out of kindergarten, you stop beating yourself up. You become friends with, and a lover of yourself. When you come out of kindergarten you are ready for Junior School, with seven grades to go. Each grade is another step within the ever increasing growth in consciousness. Each grade is another step deeper into enlightenment. With each grade I’m in, I can’t imagine what the next grade could possibly be. I can’t imagine what the next step in consciousness will reveal, so I don’t try, I don’t try to do anything. It is as it is. I live my life as fully, as consciously, and with as much awareness of the moment and Love as I can.
“Sometimes I feel that my Love is not as good as it could be and other times I’m very pleased with the amount of Love I express. But I don’t criticise myself and I don’t judge myself. I don’t compare myself - ‘I could have done this’ - ‘I could have done that’. It is as it is . . . and that’s the place of true growth where you fully accept yourself just as you are.” MJR
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MICHAEL ON ENLIGHTENMENT
“and yes, I will talk about enlightenment. It’s an interesting word,It brings up all sorts of ideas and concepts. When I was first on my spiritual path, I grew up with the idea that enlightenment is completely unattainable. And that’s so not true. It’s certainly not something that you fall into,and yet quite a few enlightened people really did fall into exactly that. And so enlightenment,I’d like to change the word a bit to ‘in-light-it-meant’. Basically it is moving out of the shadows and into the Light. Out of illusions into Truth. And there is no technique. Okay, Indian gurus seem to have techniques, or ancient methods, and they are probably valid. But as a westerner I was not attracted to that particular path. “So I created a path for myself - we all do! But this is a story that I’m not going into - of ten years to become enlightened. Ridiculous,but it worked. A path that became one of ever increasing pain and suffering, So instead of climbing to the top of the pinnacle of truth as I had hoped, I found myself in the deepest pit of despair. I reached a point where I surrendered. I just gave in. I could not go on. It was when I surrendered, completely surrendered, when I let go of myself, of life - when I let go of everything. It was in that moment that I found enlightenment,or, perhaps more accurately, enlightenment found me. And okay, it’s an incredible experience. Immediately prior to that moment my body was full of pain and illness, with twenty years of suffering from a ruptured disc in the spine. Suddenly, all that was healed. It was finished. In twenty minutes it was gone. “Enlightenment is a state of consciousness that is always in the moment, that’s the trick of this, If you’re on a intellectual path, you have an intellectual need to understand enlightenment. Intellect and understanding are never in the moment. In the moment, there is no thought. Thinking takes you out of the moment. So the moment you become enlightened is always with you.
MICHAEL ON ENLIGHTENMENT
“and yes, I will talk about enlightenment. It’s an interesting word,It brings up all sorts of ideas and concepts. When I was first on my spiritual path, I grew up with the idea that enlightenment is completely unattainable. And that’s so not true. It’s certainly not something that you fall into,and yet quite a few enlightened people really did fall into exactly that. And so enlightenment,I’d like to change the word a bit to ‘in-light-it-meant’. Basically it is moving out of the shadows and into the Light. Out of illusions into Truth. And there is no technique. Okay, Indian gurus seem to have techniques, or ancient methods, and they are probably valid. But as a westerner I was not attracted to that particular path. “So I created a path for myself - we all do! But this is a story that I’m not going into - of ten years to become enlightened. Ridiculous,but it worked. A path that became one of ever increasing pain and suffering, So instead of climbing to the top of the pinnacle of truth as I had hoped, I found myself in the deepest pit of despair. I reached a point where I surrendered. I just gave in. I could not go on. It was when I surrendered, completely surrendered, when I let go of myself, of life - when I let go of everything. It was in that moment that I found enlightenment,or, perhaps more accurately, enlightenment found me. And okay, it’s an incredible experience. Immediately prior to that moment my body was full of pain and illness, with twenty years of suffering from a ruptured disc in the spine. Suddenly, all that was healed. It was finished. In twenty minutes it was gone. “Enlightenment is a state of consciousness that is always in the moment, that’s the trick of this, If you’re on a intellectual path, you have an intellectual need to understand enlightenment. Intellect and understanding are never in the moment. In the moment, there is no thought. Thinking takes you out of the moment. So the moment you become enlightened is always with you.
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And this is what we give ourselves to completely . . . surrendering to this immeasurable divine power that is already innately within each and every heart. I once spent an afternoon with a woman who finished everything she said with “praise be to Jesus.” I remember thinking, ‘Okay, I get it already, please, give it a rest.’ But now as I look back, that was her own way of constantly being connected with the Christ Consciousness within. So, actually, I really didn’t ‘get it’.
To me, the `2nd coming` is awakening to the God consciousness within each of us. Eventually, we will all vibrate in harmony with our Divinity, and in the meantime, all the suffering and difficulties humanity is currently subject to is how our consciousness will be awakened. We don’t have to grow through pain and suffering, but it’s a very effective teacher. At least it has been for me!
Regardless of our religious persuasion, humanity must unite in agreement with one principal, that of placing Love as the base of ALL beliefs, of ALL actions, and to allow people to live and let live . . . with harm to none.
We’re all part of a worldwide movement of Love in action, erasing the lines that divide us from each other and from our innate Divinity. Our healing lies in returning to our true template of Divine Love. This is how we can and will usher in a new type of human. A race of Love. If not now . . . when?
From my heart to yours . . . sending so much Love, Carolyn 💛
And this is what we give ourselves to completely . . . surrendering to this immeasurable divine power that is already innately within each and every heart. I once spent an afternoon with a woman who finished everything she said with “praise be to Jesus.” I remember thinking, ‘Okay, I get it already, please, give it a rest.’ But now as I look back, that was her own way of constantly being connected with the Christ Consciousness within. So, actually, I really didn’t ‘get it’.
To me, the `2nd coming` is awakening to the God consciousness within each of us. Eventually, we will all vibrate in harmony with our Divinity, and in the meantime, all the suffering and difficulties humanity is currently subject to is how our consciousness will be awakened. We don’t have to grow through pain and suffering, but it’s a very effective teacher. At least it has been for me!
Regardless of our religious persuasion, humanity must unite in agreement with one principal, that of placing Love as the base of ALL beliefs, of ALL actions, and to allow people to live and let live . . . with harm to none.
We’re all part of a worldwide movement of Love in action, erasing the lines that divide us from each other and from our innate Divinity. Our healing lies in returning to our true template of Divine Love. This is how we can and will usher in a new type of human. A race of Love. If not now . . . when?
From my heart to yours . . . sending so much Love, Carolyn 💛
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