Hi Everyone . . . Carolyn here, trusting your new year is off to a good start. As millions of points of Light, we are changing the world through our ever-growing, boundless powers of Love, harmony and creativity! We’ve got this!
Since the targeted radiation treatments I’m still pain-free with no headaches. I did lose a patch of hair at the base of my skull, at the target site, but a small price to pay. I’m completely off the morphine patches now and am tapering off the steroids. I have no future doctors appointments scheduled (after having up to 5 a week at one point :) . . . they said just call when I need them.
Michael said about a zillion times, ‘There is nothing outside of Self’ and “We each live in our own universe.” Thirty years ago, those statements just did not compute, but for me now, they are spot-on Truth. The experiences life continues to provide me with, ‘good’ or ‘bad’, are really just neutral until I give them meaning. The meaning of life is the meaning of me . . . I give it meaning. I can choose Love or fear as I’m forced to face myself and see what I’m really made of. Like squeezing an orange, when the pressure is on, the juice comes out.
Lately I’ve been consciously feeling myself, my body and the world around me, more as energy . . . doing my best to feel the flow, the current of the blueprint of the soul I am, already in perfect harmony within the stream of Life for my greatest good and potential.
I nurture myself and support my body with supplements and nutrition, but mindfully, not obsessively. I permeate the water I drink with the Pure Love and healing Light of God, and as I drink feel every cell in my body opening like a golden flower, radiating healing, cleansing, restoration and rejuvenation. I meditate and am in a near constant state of gratitude for all I have. I work with St. Germain’s violet flame and whatever else moves me in the moment . . . and strive to see Life through the eyes of my higher self . . . through the infinite wisdom of the soul I am. (Okay, I’ve got a way to go here, admittedly!!)....
NEXT 👉
Hi Everyone . . . Carolyn here, trusting your new year is off to a good start. As millions of points of Light, we are changing the world through our ever-growing, boundless powers of Love, harmony and creativity! We’ve got this!
Since the targeted radiation treatments I’m still pain-free with no headaches. I did lose a patch of hair at the base of my skull, at the target site, but a small price to pay. I’m completely off the morphine patches now and am tapering off the steroids. I have no future doctors appointments scheduled (after having up to 5 a week at one point :) . . . they said just call when I need them.
Michael said about a zillion times, ‘There is nothing outside of Self’ and “We each live in our own universe.” Thirty years ago, those statements just did not compute, but for me now, they are spot-on Truth. The experiences life continues to provide me with, ‘good’ or ‘bad’, are really just neutral until I give them meaning. The meaning of life is the meaning of me . . . I give it meaning. I can choose Love or fear as I’m forced to face myself and see what I’m really made of. Like squeezing an orange, when the pressure is on, the juice comes out.
Lately I’ve been consciously feeling myself, my body and the world around me, more as energy . . . doing my best to feel the flow, the current of the blueprint of the soul I am, already in perfect harmony within the stream of Life for my greatest good and potential.
I nurture myself and support my body with supplements and nutrition, but mindfully, not obsessively. I permeate the water I drink with the Pure Love and healing Light of God, and as I drink feel every cell in my body opening like a golden flower, radiating healing, cleansing, restoration and rejuvenation. I meditate and am in a near constant state of gratitude for all I have. I work with St. Germain’s violet flame and whatever else moves me in the moment . . . and strive to see Life through the eyes of my higher self . . . through the infinite wisdom of the soul I am. (Okay, I’ve got a way to go here, admittedly!!)....
NEXT 👉
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I do whatever I feel will most make my heart sing in that moment . . . be it a bath, sitting with my birds, cleaning out a drawer . . . whatever. No more ‘need to’ or ‘have to’. I’ve never felt this free before! Of course I have been this free all along . . . only the mental narrator said otherwise, and me believing in what I was telling myself. How could I not see this? . . . that I was so distracted by trivia of my own mental design??
Although I look at transition with a sense of wide-eyed anticipation, I realise I’m hard-wired for survival. I think we all are. So I do what I can to support my precious body for as long as it chooses to hang around.
In my humble opinion, there is but one disease, only one, that covers everything: becoming disconnected from ones own higher self/soul/divinity. So becoming more and more receptive to God, to the divinity within, for me, is the key to, well everything, really . . . through a spiritual state of consciousness . . . through the Christ consciousness within. FEELING God within. Feeling the organic universe and our Oneness with all Life.
So, one day at a time . . . I’ll see what tomorrow brings and keep you posted! All I can do is listen to and trust my heart . . . my navigator! I have no expectations, no agenda, and zero fear of death, so it’s all good . . . Life always gets it right.
I read a little story the other day, written by a hospice nurse who was with one of her patients, helping her rub some nice cream onto her body. They were talking away when suddenly the woman looked over the nurses shoulder and said, “Oh! . . . I’ve got to go! . . . my husband is here!” . . . and she laid back and left her body. Her husband was already deceased. I said to Michael . . . "Are you reading this, Darling?? It works for me!!”
Shine on, ever brighter . . . I’m hugging you with all my Love . . .
I do whatever I feel will most make my heart sing in that moment . . . be it a bath, sitting with my birds, cleaning out a drawer . . . whatever. No more ‘need to’ or ‘have to’. I’ve never felt this free before! Of course I have been this free all along . . . only the mental narrator said otherwise, and me believing in what I was telling myself. How could I not see this? . . . that I was so distracted by trivia of my own mental design??
Although I look at transition with a sense of wide-eyed anticipation, I realise I’m hard-wired for survival. I think we all are. So I do what I can to support my precious body for as long as it chooses to hang around.
In my humble opinion, there is but one disease, only one, that covers everything: becoming disconnected from ones own higher self/soul/divinity. So becoming more and more receptive to God, to the divinity within, for me, is the key to, well everything, really . . . through a spiritual state of consciousness . . . through the Christ consciousness within. FEELING God within. Feeling the organic universe and our Oneness with all Life.
So, one day at a time . . . I’ll see what tomorrow brings and keep you posted! All I can do is listen to and trust my heart . . . my navigator! I have no expectations, no agenda, and zero fear of death, so it’s all good . . . Life always gets it right.
I read a little story the other day, written by a hospice nurse who was with one of her patients, helping her rub some nice cream onto her body. They were talking away when suddenly the woman looked over the nurses shoulder and said, “Oh! . . . I’ve got to go! . . . my husband is here!” . . . and she laid back and left her body. Her husband was already deceased. I said to Michael . . . "Are you reading this, Darling?? It works for me!!”
Shine on, ever brighter . . . I’m hugging you with all my Love . . .
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Hi Everyone . . . Carolyn here, wishing you all a very Merry Christmas . . . or a most joyous day if you celebrate in other ways. May your hearts be open wide, for it is our hearts which contain the true harvest of wisdom, Love and Truth that lie within us all.
People of every race, age and religion are now looking beyond the physical . . . beyond the personality and labels that say, ‘I am different from you,’ and are embracing their Light within, the spark of God that can only be felt and experienced . . . not known or grasped. We are waking up to our true nature that knows no hatreds or angers . . . no fears or prejudices, because at our core we recognize there is no difference between any of us. Under the layers of beliefs and programming we are all exactly the same. At our core we are One with each other. One with the drunk in the gutter, one with the millionaire, one with the peacemakers and warmongers, and One with God.
I wish you and those you Love a magnificent Christmas and New Year, sparkling with wisdom, conscious growth, clarity, meaningful experiences, harmony . . . and magic and miracles! Thank you for being in my life! I Love you all very much!
Shine on, ever brighter . . .
In Luminous Love and Light,
Carolyn
🎄🌺🎄
Hi Everyone . . . Carolyn here, wishing you all a very Merry Christmas . . . or a most joyous day if you celebrate in other ways. May your hearts be open wide, for it is our hearts which contain the true harvest of wisdom, Love and Truth that lie within us all.
People of every race, age and religion are now looking beyond the physical . . . beyond the personality and labels that say, ‘I am different from you,’ and are embracing their Light within, the spark of God that can only be felt and experienced . . . not known or grasped. We are waking up to our true nature that knows no hatreds or angers . . . no fears or prejudices, because at our core we recognize there is no difference between any of us. Under the layers of beliefs and programming we are all exactly the same. At our core we are One with each other. One with the drunk in the gutter, one with the millionaire, one with the peacemakers and warmongers, and One with God.
I wish you and those you Love a magnificent Christmas and New Year, sparkling with wisdom, conscious growth, clarity, meaningful experiences, harmony . . . and magic and miracles! Thank you for being in my life! I Love you all very much!
Shine on, ever brighter . . .
In Luminous Love and Light,
Carolyn
🎄🌺🎄
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Hi Everyone . . . Carolyn here, with heartfelt gratitude for all your emails and messages of Love and support. I’ve read every single one . . . hundreds . . . and return to you, 10-fold, Love beyond measure. Giving and receiving . . . we lift each other in the endless flow of Love, the nourishment of all Life.
Last week I had 5 rounds of targeted radiation at the base of my skull where the cancer was wrapped around a nerve cluster causing the on-going headaches, and it worked brilliantly. I’m pain-free for the first time in months. The first 3 days, just sitting up was a great effort and lying down was only marginally better (as it’s been for weeks), but the morning of day four I woke up . . . no headache, no nausea . . . hallelujah! I’m still on pain meds (morphine sub-dermal patch) and I’ve also been on steroids during the treatments to reduce the swelling around the target sight, but that dose is now halved and will be reduced again in a few more days. The meds make me a bit mentally foggy and sometimes a bit wobbly on my legs, but comparatively my quality of life has improved massively.
I’m feeling very much at peace with increased awareness of everything around me, and am grateful for things I never realized I was so very grateful for. Everything is a gift . . . every day is a gift. Beauty is everywhere. The void in my life that was so prominent after Michael left is now gone . . . completely gone, and filled with self-Love and compassion. I’m sure I could have found this place in a more user-friendly way . . . but it worked! And I feel Michael closer now than I have since he transitioned.
To Love unconditionally is to Love all that life offers, not just when everything is coming up roses.
Hi Everyone . . . Carolyn here, with heartfelt gratitude for all your emails and messages of Love and support. I’ve read every single one . . . hundreds . . . and return to you, 10-fold, Love beyond measure. Giving and receiving . . . we lift each other in the endless flow of Love, the nourishment of all Life.
Last week I had 5 rounds of targeted radiation at the base of my skull where the cancer was wrapped around a nerve cluster causing the on-going headaches, and it worked brilliantly. I’m pain-free for the first time in months. The first 3 days, just sitting up was a great effort and lying down was only marginally better (as it’s been for weeks), but the morning of day four I woke up . . . no headache, no nausea . . . hallelujah! I’m still on pain meds (morphine sub-dermal patch) and I’ve also been on steroids during the treatments to reduce the swelling around the target sight, but that dose is now halved and will be reduced again in a few more days. The meds make me a bit mentally foggy and sometimes a bit wobbly on my legs, but comparatively my quality of life has improved massively.
I’m feeling very much at peace with increased awareness of everything around me, and am grateful for things I never realized I was so very grateful for. Everything is a gift . . . every day is a gift. Beauty is everywhere. The void in my life that was so prominent after Michael left is now gone . . . completely gone, and filled with self-Love and compassion. I’m sure I could have found this place in a more user-friendly way . . . but it worked! And I feel Michael closer now than I have since he transitioned.
To Love unconditionally is to Love all that life offers, not just when everything is coming up roses.
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Opportunities to evolve and grow in consciousness so often I feel more alive right now than I have in I can’t remember how long, surrendering into acceptance with no expectations . . . just allowing it all to unfold as it will in Divine Perfection. It`s all so very freeing. The universe meets us in the depths of our surrender, not at the height of our struggle. I’m completely in the hands of God, of Love.
This journey will have it’s ups and downs and vast range of emotions, but right now, this moment, it’s all good. This moment is all any of us have, really, I’m perhaps just a little more aware of it now. As we move though our often busy days, it can feel like things will go on forever as they are, but then suddenly we realise ‘forever’ isn’t as long as we thought it might be, and an entirely new relationship with Life is born.
I just read a little story about a Greek man in his 60s who was diagnosed with lung cancer and given a year to live. Wanting to be buried in his homeland he moved back to Greece, planted a small garden with seeds, thinking he would not be there for the harvest, had a bottle or two of wine with dear friends at night, and enjoyed playing bat gammon in the evenings. Thirty years later he tried to contact his doctors in America to find out why he was still alive, but they had already passed. He lived into his early 100s.
Clean, pure air, food and water and the Love and connection of family and friends carried him though on Divine Grace. He wasn’t asking, ‘why me’ or trying to figure anything out, he wasn’t following any protocols, massive healing therapies, or medical practices. He was simply being his totally authentic self, doing what he Loved and enjoying every day as it came. Divine Grace did the rest.
So as I take the best care of myself as I can, perhaps my precious body/soul will decide this life is just too good to miss and will hang around for a while longer . . . and if not . . . I’ll rejoin my soul family in a frequency of Love I can’t begin to comprehend, with all new adventures . . . Temples of Learning and Universities of Light . . . home again in my True Nature. Either way it’s a win-win scenario! Life always gets it right.
Opportunities to evolve and grow in consciousness so often I feel more alive right now than I have in I can’t remember how long, surrendering into acceptance with no expectations . . . just allowing it all to unfold as it will in Divine Perfection. It`s all so very freeing. The universe meets us in the depths of our surrender, not at the height of our struggle. I’m completely in the hands of God, of Love.
This journey will have it’s ups and downs and vast range of emotions, but right now, this moment, it’s all good. This moment is all any of us have, really, I’m perhaps just a little more aware of it now. As we move though our often busy days, it can feel like things will go on forever as they are, but then suddenly we realise ‘forever’ isn’t as long as we thought it might be, and an entirely new relationship with Life is born.
I just read a little story about a Greek man in his 60s who was diagnosed with lung cancer and given a year to live. Wanting to be buried in his homeland he moved back to Greece, planted a small garden with seeds, thinking he would not be there for the harvest, had a bottle or two of wine with dear friends at night, and enjoyed playing bat gammon in the evenings. Thirty years later he tried to contact his doctors in America to find out why he was still alive, but they had already passed. He lived into his early 100s.
Clean, pure air, food and water and the Love and connection of family and friends carried him though on Divine Grace. He wasn’t asking, ‘why me’ or trying to figure anything out, he wasn’t following any protocols, massive healing therapies, or medical practices. He was simply being his totally authentic self, doing what he Loved and enjoying every day as it came. Divine Grace did the rest.
So as I take the best care of myself as I can, perhaps my precious body/soul will decide this life is just too good to miss and will hang around for a while longer . . . and if not . . . I’ll rejoin my soul family in a frequency of Love I can’t begin to comprehend, with all new adventures . . . Temples of Learning and Universities of Light . . . home again in my True Nature. Either way it’s a win-win scenario! Life always gets it right.
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Hi Everyone . . . Carolyn here. This is the first time I’ve been on my computer in well over 3 weeks. There has been a lot going on with me, health wise, as some of you know.
After several weeks of ongoing headaches I much more recently developed numbness on the right side of my tongue. This got my attention, as well as that of Tracey and Katrina’s, who kidnapped me and took me straight to the hospital. I didn’t argue.
After 2 CAT scans I was transferred to a larger hospital the following morning for 8 days of multiple tests, scans and a biopsy, and have been diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer that has spread to my bones and liver, and is the culprit for the headaches and partial tongue numbness from a nerve cluster.
Public
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Hi Everyone . . . Carolyn here. This is the first time I’ve been on my computer in well over 3 weeks. There has been a lot going on with me, health wise, as some of you know.
After several weeks of ongoing headaches I much more recently developed numbness on the right side of my tongue. This got my attention, as well as that of Tracey and Katrina’s, who kidnapped me and took me straight to the hospital. I didn’t argue.
After 2 CAT scans I was transferred to a larger hospital the following morning for 8 days of multiple tests, scans and a biopsy, and have been diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer that has spread to my bones and liver, and is the culprit for the headaches and partial tongue numbness from a nerve cluster.
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The cancer is untreatable, they said, but there are two different treatments that may help with the headaches . . . so I’m grateful there may be some course of action to stem the pain, which would really upgrade my quality of life.
In the meantime I’m taking very good care of my body with fresh juices, supplements, super food powder, bi-carb to keep my body alkaline, ivermectin, cannibus oil and THC. For however long my precious body has left, I’m taking excellent care of it. I’ve always been a great nurturer of others, but not so much for myself. Now is my time.
The last couple days in the hospital I was taking oxycodone every 4 hours, rather than ‘as needed’ to keep on top of the pain, but then when I got home I had a strong allergic reaction to it as it built up in my system. After trying a couple other things, I now have a morphine time released skin patch that lasts 7 days and I supplement that with cannibus oil when needed, which seems to work pretty well at keeping the headaches at a minimum. I’ve reached a good point to maintain. I do feel a bit fuzzy, I must admit! :) Today the pain is as minimal as its been and I haven’t had any THC oil since last night . . . so pain-wise, this is the best day I’ve had in weeks and weeks. My gratitude is off the charts!
And my tongue has improved, as well, my speech is clearer and it’s easier to eat . . . and my appetite is good, as well.
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The cancer is untreatable, they said, but there are two different treatments that may help with the headaches . . . so I’m grateful there may be some course of action to stem the pain, which would really upgrade my quality of life.
In the meantime I’m taking very good care of my body with fresh juices, supplements, super food powder, bi-carb to keep my body alkaline, ivermectin, cannibus oil and THC. For however long my precious body has left, I’m taking excellent care of it. I’ve always been a great nurturer of others, but not so much for myself. Now is my time.
The last couple days in the hospital I was taking oxycodone every 4 hours, rather than ‘as needed’ to keep on top of the pain, but then when I got home I had a strong allergic reaction to it as it built up in my system. After trying a couple other things, I now have a morphine time released skin patch that lasts 7 days and I supplement that with cannibus oil when needed, which seems to work pretty well at keeping the headaches at a minimum. I’ve reached a good point to maintain. I do feel a bit fuzzy, I must admit! :) Today the pain is as minimal as its been and I haven’t had any THC oil since last night . . . so pain-wise, this is the best day I’ve had in weeks and weeks. My gratitude is off the charts!
And my tongue has improved, as well, my speech is clearer and it’s easier to eat . . . and my appetite is good, as well.
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Jonathan, my son from America is here with Tracey and is helping in many ways. We Skype weekly, but it’s the first I’ve seen him in 5 years, since the lockdowns. I’ve had my first really good belly laughs in I can’t remember how very many months. He always makes me laugh . . . good medicine. Tracey has been amazing, as well, and Katrina, my daughter-in-law. They came to the hospital every day and have been with me through all the doctors appointments. And so much support from many others, as well. My prayer now is gratitude for all I have. I’m just so very grateful.
So . . . that’s pretty much all there is. It appears that pain management is much the course of action now. One day at a time. I’m sleeping a lot . . . I don’t think I realised how completely exhausted I’ve been for the last many months. I’m sleeping as much as I can now. I’m doing exactly what I want, when I want and the way I want it. It’s all about me these days. :)
This is all remarkably freeing . . . things I would ponder on how to move forward in my new life-minus-Michael are all completely meaningless now . . . none of it matters. So I continue to ‘let go’ . . . something I’ve had a lot of practice doing lately . . . and just experiencing what I’m feeling without any dialogue or mental noise around it. I have not once asked, ‘Why did you create this??’ and have no intention of putting my energy into that thought process. I am not my thoughts. All will be revealed in perfect timing. For me to hammer myself with another major shock so quickly on the heals of the last one, would suggest I have potentially something fairly significant to learn and grow from. I created this for a reason, or it wouldn’t be happening. A new adventure, a new leap in consciousness . . . a new horizon . . . we’ll see what tomorrow brings.
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Jonathan, my son from America is here with Tracey and is helping in many ways. We Skype weekly, but it’s the first I’ve seen him in 5 years, since the lockdowns. I’ve had my first really good belly laughs in I can’t remember how very many months. He always makes me laugh . . . good medicine. Tracey has been amazing, as well, and Katrina, my daughter-in-law. They came to the hospital every day and have been with me through all the doctors appointments. And so much support from many others, as well. My prayer now is gratitude for all I have. I’m just so very grateful.
So . . . that’s pretty much all there is. It appears that pain management is much the course of action now. One day at a time. I’m sleeping a lot . . . I don’t think I realised how completely exhausted I’ve been for the last many months. I’m sleeping as much as I can now. I’m doing exactly what I want, when I want and the way I want it. It’s all about me these days. :)
This is all remarkably freeing . . . things I would ponder on how to move forward in my new life-minus-Michael are all completely meaningless now . . . none of it matters. So I continue to ‘let go’ . . . something I’ve had a lot of practice doing lately . . . and just experiencing what I’m feeling without any dialogue or mental noise around it. I have not once asked, ‘Why did you create this??’ and have no intention of putting my energy into that thought process. I am not my thoughts. All will be revealed in perfect timing. For me to hammer myself with another major shock so quickly on the heals of the last one, would suggest I have potentially something fairly significant to learn and grow from. I created this for a reason, or it wouldn’t be happening. A new adventure, a new leap in consciousness . . . a new horizon . . . we’ll see what tomorrow brings.
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